maiden, mother, and crone: a half sick of shadows review.

basically i rant about how much i like half sick of shadows.

Maiden, Mother, and Crone, this book is absolutely amazing and i can already tell that (1) it's one of my favourite books of 2020 and (2) this is probably going to a really long review and it will never be able to squish into the 2200 instagram character limit. Half Sick of Shadows is 450 pages of beautifully written prose that kept me crying into the late hours of the night. This book is so good that i immediately want to go buy a copy to own (i read a library copy). It's an absolute masterpiece. It's the best Arthurian retelling that i have ever read to date, and maybe it's even better than some of what I've read of the original lore. (Well, the term "original" is still up for debate because Arthurian legends are murky and every version is different to the point that canon basically isn't really a thing.)

Half Sick of Shadows by Laura Sebastian is a reimagining of the Legend of King Arthur, but from the perspective of Elaine (the Lady of Shalott). Who even is Elaine? Good question. She's originally a background character–a perfect forgettable damsel in distress who stays locked up in a tower–who's most well known depiction is in Tenysson's poem titled "The Lady of Shalott." Half Sick of Shadow's Elaine is nothing like that. She's cunning and clever and incredibly complex. Oh, and, Elaine is also an oracle, able to see visions of the future through her weaving loom. This lends itself to the unique storytelling of the book, told through three intersecting timelines and tenses of past and present and possible futures.

The book begins on the mystical isle of Avalon, where Elaine trains under Nimue (the Lady of the Lake) and sees visions of the fragmented future. They prophesize countless possibilities, almost all tragic. Of Arthur's death. Of Guinevere and Lancelot's affair. Of Morgana's betrayal. Elaine carries the curse of seeing the future, and it suddenly begins to fall into place when Arthur's father passes away and he's supposed to take the throne. Elaine, Gwen, Lance, and Morgana must accompany him back into the constricting Camelot, where magic is outlawed and the fey are looked down upon and society weaves heavy chains around them. Everything is dangerous in Camelot, but perhaps not as dangerous as the impending threats from their own inner circle as more of Elaine's visions are fulfilled. Fate seems inevitable, and Elaine must decide what lines she's willing to cross to change it.

August 13, 2021. I'm 64 pages into Half Sick of Shadows and I can already tell it's going to be amazing. (spoiler alert, I wasn't wrong). Something unique that half sick of shadows does is spoil the ending in the first chapter. The first line of the book is actually: "I will die drowning; it has always been known." I already know the ending is going to be tragic before I'm even attached to the characters. Yet Half Sick of Shadows kept me engaged in the story, because it was never about how it ended, but how it got there. (And I did get really attached to the characters later.) The fact that the ending of Half Sick of Shadows is already revealed but the book still kept me engaged as a reader and kept me guessing at points is a testament to how well written the book is. I didn't predict like 90% of the plot twists in the book, except for one of major ones at the end.

When I started reading Half Sick of Shadows, I had really high expectations because I really enjoyed Laura Sebastian's ya fantasy series "Ash Princess." (Which by the way, I also recommend!) Half Sick of Shadows did not disappoint. It easily exceeded all of my expectations and also had me sobbing in the middle of the night. If I reread it, I'd probably cry again. I feel like I basically predicted that the book would be full of *pain* because Arthurian legend is full of tragedy, but I didn't expect to be as affected as I did. I'd like to also include snippets of my actual reactions on Goodreads updates because I don't have better ways of wording it.

95.76% "i rlly don't have any words left to say wtf it's such a masterpiece but i'm crying-"

August 14, 2021 – page 426

90.85% ""i'm left. me. everything that i am, everything i've made myself. maybe you have all shaped me, molded me like a vase, but when all is said and done, when everyone has chipped away their pieces, i will not break.""

August 14, 2021 – page 396

88.39% ""i found my line, elaine. where is yours?""

August 13, 2021 – page 388

86.61% "can we not just let them be happy?"

August 13, 2021 – page 375

83.71% "i'm crying-"

August 13, 2021 – page 114

18.75% ""better monsters who know they're monsters than ones who insist on wearing pretty masks." sdfjdskajflsjfklfjdksjfkljdskjf half sick of shadows is so good it's literally already the best arthurian retelling i've read. also i feel like it's going to be sad i'm not prepared for this–"

August 13, 2021 – page 64

I'm trying to pull together some coherency in this review but it's not really coming through and I've already included at least one keyboard smash so coherency is out the window. Regardless, I'm going to try to explain some more reasons why I like Half Sick of Shadows so much. Besides how objectively good the prose is and the uniqueness of the storytelling, Half Sick of Shadows also happens to have one of my favourite tropes. This found family is like no other. Elaine and Morgana and Gwen and Arthur and Lance are one of the best found families ever. They rely on each other, they love each other, and even as things begin to fall apart and trust is scarce, there's no denying that they never truly lose the bonds they have with each other. They're all also definitely their own person outside of the group dynamic and nobody is there for the sake of being there. Elaine is the only point of view character, but every member of the main five gets their time to shine and they're all so incredibly interesting and distinctive and complicated.

Half Sick of Shadows has also been compared to Circe, Madeline Miller's reimagining of the life of the infamous Greek sorceress from the Odyssey. I think this comparison definitely holds up, and when I was reading Half Sick of Shadows it was giving off major Circe vibes in a sort of hard to explain way. If you liked Circe, you'd probably like this book. I think that something that Half Sick of Shadows did that made me appreciate it more as a feminist retelling, though, was that Elaine was not the only strong female character that gets significant focus. Morgana and Gwen are equally also strong female characters, and the trio of characters demonstrate that there's more than one way to be strong.

This book also gives these characters a lot more depth than they have in the original lore where they're just a damsel, an evil seductress, and an scapegoat. Elaine of Shalott is not a damsel in distress. She's actually the one making most of the decisions and pulling the strings Doctor-Strange-in-Infinity-War style so they can have the right outcome. Morgana of Tintagel is not an evil-for-no-reason femme fatale who has no personality outside of trying to dethrone Arthur. She's complicated and morally grey and she actually has the most interesting personality in Half Sick of Shadows, and I might be biased because she's my favourite character. Morgana also puts her friends before the world, and this leads to interesting ideological conflicts with her brother Arthur, who is more traditionally heroic. And the magic thing. These are conflicts that actually makes sense for the siblings. Guinevere of Lyonesse is not just the unfaithful queen to be blamed for all of Camelot's problems. She's a princess with her priorities and own people to take care of and she actually has an arc outside of the whole affair situation. Elaine and Morgana and Gwen also build each other up, and actually have a supportive female friendship.

There's also a major conflict in the book about the importance of Arthur's destiny. Arthur Pendragon is supposed to be the heir to the throne, but because Mordred and Morgause also have a sort of claim to the throne, there's this whole three trials quest thing so Arthur can prove that he's actually worthy. For a lot of the book in present day, the main group is basically going around and trying to help Arthur do these tasks. During which, Morgana performs one of the most powerful spells and consequently gives up magic and Gwen literally marries Arthur so he can succeed in one of the tasks (consolidating Lyonesse into part of the main kingdom) and in doing so she has to give up a part of her magic too. And Elaine is basically Arthur's adviser, the brains behind the crown, and let's be honest she's really doing most of the work. No hate to Arthur though. He just feels like a boy who isn't ready to be king yet (he is the youngest of the group, I think) and the circumstances basically force all this responsibility onto him. He's a sweet but kind of dumb cinnamon roll who isn't prepared for running a kingdom or the Camelot court.

All of the other characters sacrifice everything to put Arthur on the throne, as per what Nimue has advised them to keep as their main objective. They cross lines and lose parts of themselves to fulfill this grand destiny. Arthur is the focus, until they realize that you can't always put destiny before self. When Elaine and Morgana and Gwen finally realize they have to put their own happiness first at various points in the book, they're such a powerful scenes. And also how it all ties into the magic conflict too. In addtion, I also like this because (1) it gets rid of the notion that the world and its characters bend around the chosen one and their destiny and (2) enforces the idea that the women of Arthurian legend to be something more than just the bland side characters in the story of King Arthur and (3) it allows Arthur to stand on his own without the supports he's used to so he can actually learn how to manage his own kingdom.

I'm also going to just list a bunch of other things I like in Half Sick of Shadows: the doomed relationship between Lance and Elaine that made me cry, the side characters Nimue (the Lady of the Lake) and Gwain (I love him so much), the whole thing about being heroes, the past-present-future narration, all the iconic quotes, Morgana and Elaine, the worldbuilding, Avalon, when they went to go visit Elaine's father, and let's be honest every moment.

The only negative things I have to say about Half Sick of Shadows is that it can be a little bit confusing at times and that Morgana and Elaine weren't explicitly ever in a relationship together haha. Those two give off serious queer vibes (I'm headcannoning that Elaine is bi) and that last scene when they're alone together feels very much like shipping fodder to me so I'm going to run with it. I ship it. They'd be a power couple. Oh, and this isn't a negative thing for me, but if you prefer retellings that stay closer to the original material, Half Sick of Shadows might not be the book for you because it takes a lot of creative liberties. Or maybe still try it regardless. It's really good. I think I've said that too many times now lmao. Highly, highly recommend!